UMOs in Area K9 (Long Live Science)

Here at YIKMDLF we just LOOOOOOOVE scientists.  It never ceases to amaze us about what sorts of studies get conducted.  We’d dearly like to know who funds most of these studies and get their phone number.  We have a few studies of our own we’d like to conduct.

The latest piece of mind-boggling research that we discovered involves looking at how dogs react to an unidentified moving object.  Sounds vaguely scientific right?  This study took some dogs and put them together in a room with a remote controlled car.  To make it more scientific they set up two different scenarios.  One where the remote controlled car was unaltered and another where the remote controlled car had eyes drawn on to the windshield.  Why would they put eyes on the remote controlled car?  The car without eyes was called the mechanical unidentified moving object (UMO) and the car with the eyes was called the social unidentified moving object (UMO). 

Honestly we think this study shows us far more about the inner workings of the scientists but, being humble civilians without any big funding behind us, who are we to say?  The scientists brought the dogs in the room and drove the cars around in a fixed pattern, or interactively based on what the dog did.  The earth shattering results of this brilliant use of tax payer dollars?  The dogs looked at the social UMO more than the mechanical UMO.  And the conclusion?  Dogs probably watched the cars because they were novel.  Oh yeah, and because they were moving.

Blue prefers his objects stationary.

We are not scientific Luddites, but here is another example of something that any dog owner could have filled them in on had we only been asked.  Then they could have spent all those scientific dollars on researching a cure for osteosarcoma say.  

This experiment conducted in our living room would result as follows:

Bettina sees the car and finds it fascinating because it is moving.  She proceeds forward  to investigate it but the second it turns towards her, she starts scrabbling backwards to get away from it.  The car and Bettina then engage in a dance of approach and retreat until Bettina figures out from a distance that it can’t be eaten and loses interest.  The addition of a pair of eyes to the windshield of the UMO would not affect the outcome.

Blue sees the car and immediately becomes wary.  When it begins to move, he moves on to downright scared.  He begins leaning hard into the nearest human hoping for protection.  If the car makes any move whatsoever in his direction, he panics and blindly runs in a direction that is away from the car.  This continues until someone takes pity on the poor beast and lets him out of the room.  The addition of a pair of eyes to the windshield of the UMO in this instance serve to increase Blue’s horror level.  

Our conclusion drawn from this thought experiment?  That pet owners need to form a coalition.  We’ll make it easy for the scientists to find us.  They deposit their research dollars into our account to be distributed to various good canine causes of our choosing, and we tell them the results from our real life experience for any experiment they can dream up.  No animals harmed (physically or psychologically), no scientists harmed (physically or psychologically) and maybe a cure for canine cancer.

Dog IQ Measurements – My Dog is Smarter than Your Dog?

I read an article about a study that some scientists recently completed with a Border Collie named Chaser. Down at Wofford College in South Carolina they found that Chaser could remember the names of over 1000 toys. Good ol’ Chaser also understood verb-noun combinations (nose the monkey, pick up the carrot etc.). She operates at the level of a small child. Show off.

I have always suspected that dogs were holding back. So I determined to fathom the brilliance of my furry children. The other night, I was sitting on the couch eating from a bag of trail mix. Bettina had posted herself on the couch next to me and was frequently reaching out and putting her paw on my arm to remind me that she was there and she would like a peanut or a cashew, please and thank you. Blue, having lost out on pole position was standing near my feet, nose quivering and slightly drooling as he watched me eat the trail mix.

I’m not too proud to say that when I eat, I sometimes miss my mouth. What ends up in my lap, if left unnoticed by me, generally falls to the floor or on the couch when I stand up. Bettina and Blue are smart enough to know this routine. My first dog IQ experiment already a success! And I didn’t even know I was doing science but I’m not going to quibble over immaterial details.

They also know that occasionally, I will take pity on puppy dog eyes and dole out a little of what I am eating. Thus it behooves them to be at my side whenever I am sitting anywhere eating. If I am completely unreceptive to the idea of sharing, they know that I will wave frantically at them and say, “No, this is mumma’s” over and over again until they finally believe. Depending on their level of determination and the perceived value level of what I am eating at the time, they may, or may not take my warning under advisement.

So, with this sturdy foundation to my scientific endeavors, I set out to prove convincingly that my dogs are brilliant. While distracting Blue and Bettina from the trail mix, I took a peanut that had fallen into my lap earlier and placed it on my knee. No one noticed it. So with each hound in turn, I say, "look" and then exaggerate a stare at my knee where the peanut is. No one looked where I was looking. They stared at my face or at the bag of trail mix. So I physically took Blue and Bettina’s noses and moved them to near my knee while saying, "Look". Result, no one found the peanut. Each time I released the nose it went back to quivering and snuffling towards the bag of trail mix. Next I try pointing at the peanut and saying "look." They look at my finger for a split second and return to looking at my face and then the bag of trail mix, my face, and then the bag of trail mix, my face and then…well you get the idea.

Finally, I had to pick up the peanut and put it in their direct line of sight, say look, let them get a good sniff and then have them watch me as I placed the peanut back on my knee. After a small melee over which one would claim the peanut, it was apparent that this final portion of my experiment had, at least, been a success.

Yeah, dogs are smarter than we thought....